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March Badness 2009: Final Four

Welcome to the Final Four of March BADness!

In 2009 we took the 64 baddest movie characters on the planet, ranked them by notoriety (from Icons to cult heroes), and pitted them against each other in the ultimate tournament to see who is the biggest baddass in the history of cinema! Let’s get ready to rumble!

Round 1

Round 2

Sweet 16

Elite 8

The big dogs are barking! And honestly, I really can’t think of a better final four. And I don’t feel sorry for any of the losers, you can’t feel sorry for a badass, that just makes them want to kick your ass.

Click bracket to get enlarged view

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VS.

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(2) Rambo VS. (4) Shaft

Battle: Wow, talk about a culture clash. It’s the baddest mutha f—a on the planet versus the toughest mutha f—a on the planet. Normally the baddest would win since this is a badass competition, but toughness counts too. When we look at the full scoop of things, Rambo took on entire armies. Shaft took on entire crime organizations. Shaft get points for being black in the 70’s, but Rambo gets points for serving in Vietnam. I honestly can’t decide who was hated more and that’s saying something. And niether of them gave a s— about what other people thought of them.

Shaft had the greatest theme song of all times, but Rambo popularized hunting knives and machine guns. Lemme stop staling and pick a some-f—in’-body. If it was a chick, I’d pick Shaft, but one on one, Rambo wins. Call it an upset if you want.

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VS.

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(1) Batman VS. (2) John McClane

Battle: Let’s have these guys switch places for a second. Just for fun. Picture John McClane trying to stop the joker from blowing up those boats. He’d definitely be a lot more entertaining than Batman. He’d probably make fun of the Joker until exploded (the Joker’s temper, not the boats). Now picture Batman going up against Franz, whoever was in part 2 and Jeremy Irons? Franz would’ve been toast, the airport would’ve been saved and he wouldn’t need Samuel L. Jackson to solve those stupid riddles.

McClane has braved through way more injuries than Batman, but that’s because it’s virtually impossible to injure Batman. Then again, it also must be noted that Batman wears loads of armor while McClane kicks ass in just a wife beater. And I think that seals it for me. John McClane is what being a badass is all about, getting down and dirty, no excuses no fear…let the chips fall where they may. John McClane pulls off the upset of the century!

(P.S. – I also want to note that I had Batman penciled into the championship round already, but while writing this I thought of that last paragraph, so that’s just how close it was for anybody upset that Batman was eliminated. If the writers of the movie – all 6 of them – had just stuck to the comic book/cartoon and left the armor at home he’d have been a shoe in)

Next: Rambo and John McClane duke it out to see how will be the king of Badasses!

THE CHAMPIONSHIP AHEAD —->

Beaze and all his crazy antics, featured articles and random thoughts are now on twitter @Beazewriter

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3 Responses to “March Badness 2009: Final Four”

  1. […] March Badness 2009: Final Four « Family Man's Secret Headquarters […]


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