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Teed Off Thursday: Decades, Urinals and Tiger Woods

3-2-1…1-2-3…what the heck…is bothering me?  At least this week.

1) The “new millenium” just may be the worst decade ever!

When the clock strikes midnight on the last day of this month, exactly what are you going to remember about 2000 to 2009?  Anybody?  I didn’t think so.  Do you know what this decade gave us?  F—in’ 9/11, social networking, debt and autotunes.  Who the f— wants to remember that?

The 80’s and 90’s had great music, awesome original movies, new styles, great moments in sports and the Olympics…I could go on.  In this decade people just got lazy and copied all the stuff I just listed from the 80’s and 90’s.  Oh we did get something good – first black president Barack Obama – but let’s face it…he’s going to make his mark in the next decade.

P.S. – What the heck are we suppose to call this decade anyway?

2) Sports fans are not animals.  We should not all be peeing together.

The Staples Center is home to the NBA’s most lucrative franchise and yet they still have urinals with the privacy of a forest tree.  I feel like I’m peeing behind an AT&T map.  Can a brotha get some coverage?  A wood divider or something?  I understand the “eyes forward” rule of the mens room, but where is the dignity in just letting it all hang out for the world to see?

Though at least it wasn’t a troth.  Those are the worst.  You know, the long tub that everybody just rains into like a golden fountain.  I’m not saying we should all have private stalls like women, but you wouldn’t have all the girls squatting into a communal drain, so can dudes get the same respect?

3) Please stop comparing yourself to Tiger Woods.

If I hear, “if I was Tiger I would never cheat on my Swedish model wife” one more time I’m going to cut someone.  You have no idea what it’s like to be Tiger Woods.  I am not defending his actions by any stretch of the imagination, but maybe you would never do what Tiger did because you would never be hit on.

No one is approaching your overweight, sloppy, Gap-shopping ass in the club/bookstore/coffee shop/PTA meeting.  And if they were, it wouldn’t be the model who just posed for a swimsuit issue, it would be the doughy receptionist with repressed psychological issues who’s lowering her standards in an attempt to avoid becoming the old cat lady.  Yea, she’s easy to turn down.  Congratulations, you’re monogamous.

One Response to “Teed Off Thursday: Decades, Urinals and Tiger Woods”

  1. Hahaha, Yes!


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