Family Man's Secret Headquarters
Leave your masks at the door.

The 10 Things a Man Should Absolutely Live Without

You have a license to slap any man making this double offense.

10. Thong sandals – It has the word thong in it.  That should be enough.


9. Feminism –  We get it, your our equal.  Now stop acting like a girl about it.

You might as well just wear your jock strap.

8. Briefs – Why is this still an option?  You can wear boxers, or boxer brief.  Unless you can body slam a man for the WWE Title, you should not be wearing briefs.

None of my dawgs clothes come from the catwalk.

7. Designer clothes – How much you spend on a piece of fabric is nothing to brag about.  Do you really think jeans should cost as much as an HDTV?  It doesn’t mean you appreciate the finer things in life, it means you’ve been had.  Sucker.

She is the only one who respects you for being there.

She is the only one who respects you for being there.

6. Opera – You know what I see when a man is at the opera?  I see a man who’s run out of game and hasn’t cracked the seal of the woman next to him.  It’s a desperation move.  And a failing one at that.  No one gets hot at the opera.

Leave something to the imagination.  And not whether or not youre actually a man.

Leave something to the imagination. And not whether or not you're actually a man.

5. Skinny Jeans – I’ve never been so proud of our President as I was the day he told reporters, “Skinny jeans ain’t for me, I’m a man.”  Okay those weren’t his exact words, but it was the message.  So ditch the hip-huggers.  That’s an order from the President.

Is that meat or a dessert?

4. Tofu – Or soy based meats.  Grow a pair and kill something, geez.

3. Popular Opinion – There is nothing, I mean nothing worse than a man who cannot make decisions for himself.  Ask any girl.  Did you ask?  Then you are exactly who I’m talking about!
This is the only time its okay for a man to drive a prius

This is the only time it's okay for a man to drive a prius

2. The Prius – If you are an environmentalist, fine, I get that.  Get yourself a Camry or Civic hybrid or any other kind of car that doesn’t look like a used tampon.

Remember when this was his most offensive act?

Remember when this was his most offensive act?

1. Sports Idols – Please know that Joe Quarterback is not losing a wink of sleep because you screwed up that big presentation at work.  Thou shalt not worship false idols.  They will fall, and so will you if you’re attached to them.

No Responses to “The 10 Things a Man Should Absolutely Live Without”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: