Busted! Newsweek Caught Nailin’ Palin

“Gotcha!”

Seriously, Newsweek is dead wrong for putting that Runners World photo on their cover with that snarky ass caption.  And if they had any real balls they’d have just came out and said what they were not-so-subtly implying:

“Sarah Palin can’t run our country, she’s a babe!”

First of all, democrats and black folks alike know there would have been hell to pay if Fox News had a magazine that put the shirtless picture of Obama chillin’ poolside on the cover saying, “How do you solve a problem like Barack?”

It would imply that black people are lazy and he’s sipping mojitos while the rest of us deal with the budget crisis.  It wouldn’t be cool.

So Newsweek shouldn’t get a pass for showing Sarah Palin in booty-shorts and an American flag.  It’s ignorant no matter who’s doing it and I don’t care how much she annoys people.  Grow the hell up.  Wrong is wrong.

Secondly, how you gonna make fun of a woman because she’s hot?  Sarah Palin is f—in’ hot.  Not MILF hot or republican hot, just grown-woman hot.  Stop hating.

This is exactly what’s wrong with the news media today.  Everybody is trying to pick on someone.  I won’t go into details, because I already did here, but we have another wedgie in progress here.  Newsweek is giving Sarah Palin a wedgie.

Fact or Fiction: The KKK Has A Headquarters

Hiding in plain sight. With a side of fries.

My dad sent me this article, about a black woman who was arrested for being black at a Wal Mart in Missouri (surprise, surprise), but the seriousness of the article is, of course, lost on me.  Out of all the thought provoking and rage inducing details of this woman’s ordeal, the info that jumps out at me is this:

The [NAACP] subsequently held a rally in Kennett. Before the June 13 event began, police officers found threatening letters the size of business cards scattered along the route that said the Ku Klux Klan had paid a visit and “the next visit will not be social.”…A call to the KKK headquarters was not answered.

The Ku Klux Klan has a headquarters?  Who the hell signed off on that zoning permit?  And how would you feel if you were on the construction team that signed on to build the damn thing?

You build this beautiful, architectural art piece, step back to soak in the fruits of your labor and all of the sudden a crane lifts up a front banner that reads “KKK Headquarters.”

Ahh hell naw.

And how arrogant is that sh–.  Building a f—in’ headquarters.  That’s like Osama Bin Laden building a dark fortress in whatever country he’s holding up in.  Should terrorist have a mailing address with a listed phone number?

There weren't any minorities in the Legion of Doom either. No comment on the gorilla.

I never thought I’d see this in real life.  Remember the Masters of Evil, sworn enemies of the Avengers and the Legion of Doom on Super Friends?  Even the Legion had the common sense to hide the Hall of Doom in an anonymous swamp.  What’s that?  KKK Headquarters is in Alabama?  Okay, nevermind.

But what does the Klan do at their headquarters?  Do they keep normal business hours or are they working around the clock thinking up different ways to screw up America?  What is a day in the life of a Klan employee like?

That should be a freaking reality show or at the very least a 20/20 special.  I’d watch that for an hour.  I would.  I have no reason to despise them anymore…we have a black president.  They are a joke.  They are the drunk uncle you hated as a kid because he played too rough, but now it’s just annoying or funny when he tries to pick on you because you’re bigger and stronger than he is.  Their power is certainly fading.  And maybe that’s why they have a headquarters.

Top 10 Badass Military Movie Characters

In honor of the men and women of all military branches who proudly represent us overseas and at home, here is a list of the top 10 characters from the best war movies, who portray soldiers the way us clueless civilians see you: as bone-a-fide, ass-kickin’, superhuman, untouchable action heroes!

1) Col. John Matrix (Commando)

Branch: retired Special Operations Operator

Remember when we trusted our men and women in the armed services with the moral authority to protect those that deserved sanctuary and eliminate those who threatened it, no questions asked?  That was Matrix.

Moment in Badassness: Refusing to be a pawn, he snapped his captors neck and left him on the plane like he was sleeping!

1) Lt. Pete “Maverick” Mitchell (Top Gun)

Branch: Naval Aviator

Everybodies got an ego and Maverick’s could float the balloon boy across the world.  Swagger is one of the key elements that makes any good soldiers and overcoming it is what makes any good hero.

Moment in Badassness: When Maverick buzzes the tower.  Doesn’t everyone want to do that?  It’s like dunking.

1) Lt. Jordan O’Neil (G.I. Jane)

Branch: U.S. Navy SEAL

If you are going to step up like a man, you should expect to be beaten down like a man.  Well, O’Neil was.  And she got right back up again.

Moment in Badassness: Kicking the ass of her superiors with her hands tied behind her back (and her belt buckle cut.  I can’t even run like that, let alone fight).

1) Lt. Col. James Rhodes AKA War Machine (Iron Man)

Branch: US Air Force

Wouldn’t it be nice if our government and our tax paying citizens (that’s right, us) thought that each soldier’s life was worth a million dollars?  I guess it’s a good thing that Rhodey pals around with billionaire industrialists.

Moment in Badassness: Keeping that suit gangsta in metallic gray.  Who told Starks gold and fire-engine-red was cool for a superhero?

1) Hannibal Lee (The Tuskegee Airmen)

Branch: United States Army Air Force

Whatever women went through and homosexuals currently go through, black men did it first.  And when Hannibal was thrown into a can’t-win situation, with a bunch of misguided delinquents, he turned everything around.  And this was a real life story.  That still happens everyday in the military.

Moment in Badassness: Flying with the First Lady in his cockpit.

1) Capt. Conrad “Duke” Hauser (G.I. Joe)

Branch: United States Army

Talk about the best of the best, geez.  This is probably the only movie where the gadgets are as dope as the soldiers themselves.  Duke saved the day, got the girl and even saved Paris, despite what they may say about us.  That’s a soldier.

Moment in Badassness: Taking down Snake Eyes.  He took down a f—in’ ninja!  Who does that?

1) Marisa Benez (Trauma)

Branch: Iraq War Vet / Rescue Helicopter Pilot

I know, she’s not in the military on the show, but that doesn’t mean her soldier spirit retired with her.  Don’t cross her, as her partner Rabbit quickly found out when he almost killed her mimicking Bullit.

Moment in Badassness: It has to be when she popped a guys eyes back into there sockets after a car wreck.

1) Casey Ryback (Under Seige)

Branch: Navy SEAL

Ryback is the Die Hard of military men, the monkey wrench in the plans of domestic terrorist.  By land or by sea (by air, Under Siege III: Over Siege?) he’s the guy you want riding with you.

Moment in Badassness: He killed bad guys with a microwave time bomb.  How cool is that?  [Do not try at home]

1) John Rambo (Rambo)

Branch: Special Forces (Green Berets)

He’s f—in’ Rambo.  Here we are 27 years after the first movie and still, if you act like you can go 1 against 2 (or more) people call you Rambo.

Moment in Badassness: He went up against tanks and helicopters with exploding arrows.

1) Captain Steven Hiler

Branch: Marine Corps F/A-18 Hornets Pilot

This dude took on aliens okay.  He took on intergalactic terrorist and won.  And just like US Soldiers, he didn’t do it with home field advantage, he took the fight to their house and blow it to holy hell!

Moment in Badassness: After outmaneuvering and outwitting those alien scum-suckers, he went mano-y-mano and knock it’s green teeth loose with one punch.

Now if you’re wondering why they are all ranked number one, well there are two reasons:

1) Every man and woman in uniform is equally valued whether you work logistics or the ground, whether you sign up in times of war or times of peace and whether you fly sick people to hospitals or destroy alien races.

And 2) because I dare you to go up to any member of the armed forces and tell them they are #2.

Happy Veterans Day to all the real, most badass heroes in the armed forces and all those who love them!

Everyone else can go to…whatever country has the audacity to hate us even though we have the coolest President ever.

Late Night Just Got A Lot Darker

It’s funny how our country was willing to elect a black man president before it dawned on Hollywood to add some color to late night television.  And typically, once it became the trend, they went overboard adding not just one new face, but three.

Lopez Tonight – As a true late night show I wonder how it will do drawing in guests considering it’s on TBS: cable’s junk yard.  Though I guess they could just interview Tyler Perry, the Atlanta Braves and all the Latino celebrities known to man every night.

Look, I’m just glad he’s getting a shot.  I love G-Lo. And it’s a crying shame that NBC, CBS, and even ABC have yet to seriously consider adding a little flavor to the midnight hour.  Much needed flavor.  Only a minority could get away with playing these kind of Audience Games.

The Wanda Sykes show – She is a black, gay female.  Fox is just showing off now.

“Look how diverse we are!”

But I can’t hate because they are the network that put on Arsenio Hall and Magic Johnson.  Okay, so maybe I can hate them for that last one.

This show is more Bill Maher-esque, probably with a bit more charm.  No that’s not true.  It just seems less threatening because she’s a woman.

The Mo’Nique Show – I guess if you want something done right, do it yourself.  Which is what BET must have been thinking when they finally decided to launch their own brand of Late Night celebrity butt kissing.

I fully admit that I am no Mo’Nique fan, but I still think the Precious star is a brilliant choice for BET.  She runs that network and has a unique voice compared to the cookie cutter images we see on a daily basis.

The problem is all three of these shows start at the same time and pine after similar audiences, which I don’t think is a coincidence.  Have you ever noticed that when minority shows are pushed and promoted, they are all lump in the same time slot?  The counter to counter-programming.

The networks did the same thing years ago when they put My Wife and Kids, starring Damon Wayans up against the Bernie Mac Show, both at 8pm on Wednesdays.  See, you can’t watch both shows at the same time.  It’s divide and conquer.

So when the ratings are split, all the shows are deemed failures (or at least less than successful) and Hollywood uses this as an excuse not to launch new minority projects.  Please believe that’s what’s happening here.

I don’t know which show I would pick, and honestly I’m not staying up that late anymore to watch television.  But I hope somebody does, because the state of minority entertainment could depend on it.

The NBA’s Answer To Brett Favre

It boggles my mind that there is not a single GM in the NBA willing to admit they could use the services of Allen Iverson.  Are they trying to make an example out of him?

There seems to be a lot of old minds clinging to the notion that outspoken = disruptive.  What they really mean is, outspoken = assertive.  Someone that they cannot control, who has his own thoughts.

Everything Iverson said is on the money.  He is not a 6th man.  He can still play.  The tapes speak for themselves.

I remember another “aging” warrior who refused to step down at the insistence of higher-ups.

Brett Favre was outspoken.  He wasn’t willing to squash his dreams or ignore his passion to please Green Bay executives.  He wasn’t willing to admit to a crime he didn’t commit.  The crime of getting too old to play at a high level.

Look how that turned out.

Allen Iverson isn’t going to plead guilty either.  You’re not going to lock him down until he gets his day in court.

You’d think that some NBA GM’s would take their que from the Vikings and risk it with AI.  These are the teams that are stupid not to.

Nets - Who can take over a game in the fourth?  Devin Harris was at his best when he played beside Vince (a scorer, also with a reputation to be a headache…and a quitter unlike Iverson).  Furthermore, has anyone watched a Nets game this year?  Didn’t think so.

Timberwolves – Iverson could protect Johnny Flynn and maybe help the Wolves save face in the year without Rubio.

76ers - It’s funny how the only thing the Sixers are missing is a go-to-guy and their most recent NBA Hall of Fame legend is sitting out there in limbo.  Williams, Iverson, Iguodala, Brand and Samuel could get out the first round.

Bobcats – Please, if you put up a 59 point game and average 86 a night, a distraction is exactly what you need.

Rockets – They are an 8th seed with Iverson.  They have all the role players and no stud.  Even when T-Mac comes back, he can play the 3 spot.  Yes it would be the AI and Carmelo situation all over again, but at least that team was fun to watch.

People have this notion that Allen Iverson is a “cancer.”  I prefer to use the term “cowboy.”  Yes, he has a sticky and itchy trigger finger, but he’s a win-first-guy, not a me-first-guy.  If the only thing he knows how to do is score, let him score.  Coach the other players to do the rest.  If you want to build a house you don’t ask the architect to install the plumbing.  And this is one hell of an architect.

Beaze’s 50 Favorite Movies of All Times

And I could’ve done 100.  Man, I wanted to do 100.  I left a lot of good movies off this list.  But 50 is going to have to do.  The only rule is that franchises are lumped together.  No need to differentiate between originals and sequels and trilogies.  This is a team sport.

50) LION KING

Many have challenge, but this Lion is still the King of all Disney movies.

49) WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP

As a park protégé basketball player myself I loved the mentality of this movie.

48) I, ROBOT

Neo-phobic message aside, I love Will Smith’s me-against-the-world attitude and “somehow I told you so just doesn’t say it,” is something we all want to say at some point.

47) SUPERMAN II

A note to all future Superman projects: give the guy an enemy who can actually kick his ass!

46) THE WOOD

I can totally relate to having great friends you are scared to leave behind.

45) RUSH HOUR

I’m a sucker for the action comedy, so the King of stunts, Jackie Chan and “Smokey” combo does it for me.

44) TANGO & CASH

Again, this is action/comedy, but opposite to Rush Hour with big brutal Sly and quirky Kurt. Lot of guns, lots of actions, lots of punchlines, little subtext. The way an action movie should be.

43) BLOODSPORT

One man on a mission to uphold the honor of his mentor…it’s a lost trait these days.

42) PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN

In the 80’s this movie would have sucked, but special effects and good-natured characters make it the best pirate movie ever.

41) HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME

Samurai swords and a touching story about friendship and immortality, what’s not to love?

40) ROLE MODELS

Paul Rudd is way funnier as a jerk than as a lovable loser.  Sean William Scott is way funnier as a Stifler clone.  Jane Lynch and Bobb’e J. Thompson should definitely star in the sequel.

39) X2

The best of the X-Men movies. When Wolverine goes berserk inside the X-Mansion? Bad ass.

38) THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK

The Riddick character is one of my sci-fi favorites. Totally badass but a little too soft in this movie. It was a fun ride non-the-less.

37) ABOVE THE RIM

A fun clash between organized ball and street hoops. Probably my favorite basketball movie ever.

36) UNDER SIEGE

Most people call it Die Hard on a boat and that’s fine with me.  One against one hundred…you’d take the one if his name was Steven Segal (before he got fat).

35) COLLATERAL

I love Tom Cruise as the bad guy and Jamie Foxx as the reluctant Hero.  This movie is deeper than people believe.  It slipped this low only because of the crappy ending.

34) AMERICAN GANGSTER

All I have to say is it’s about time they did a classy black version of the Godfather.

33) TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES I/II/TMNT

I loved this movie so much I put peanut butter on my pizza for a year.  The third movie drags this franchise down.

32) REDBELT

Thee most realistic martial arts movie I have ever seen and a great story to boot.

31) ANY GIVEN SUNDAY

If you ever wondered what goes on in the front offices of the NFL, this movie is exactly what you’d think happens…real or not.

30) MONEY TRAIN

Wesley kicks ass, J-Lo was still hot and Woody is still funny.

29) K9

I love dogs.  A dog as a cop partnered with James Belushi?  Come on.

28) BE COOL

The Rock and Vince Vaughn by far are the funniest, most unlikely duo I have ever seen.  I cried during the chicken bone scene.

27) ASSASSINS

Mano y Mano, battle of wills and guns to see who will be #1. Gotta love it.

26) THE LAST SAMURAI

Aside from the part that again a white man must save a dying culture from themselves (see Dances With Wolves, Last of the Mohicans, etc…) this is an amazing story and in-depth look at samurai culture.

25) MONSTER SQUAD

After seeing this movie I literally gathered my friends, made stakes and went out hunting vampires.

24) HANCOCK

The first major black superhero not a vampire, or former lame ass criminal and it’s freakin’ Will Smith! How cool is that?

23) DIE HARD/DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE/LIVE FREE DIE HARD

The original one man versus an army movie so many other have tried to copy.

22) DRUMLINE

I spent a year at an HBC so this movie hit home.  I also love that it’s an intelligent, true to life tale of young black life without all the vulgarity.

21) HARD TO KILL

Steven Segal as the man who won’t die kicking ass and taking names using akido make me a happy guy.

20) MAVERICK

This is my favorite cat and mouse tale.  I didn’t understand the poker, but I didn’t need to.

19) LABYRINTH

The music alone is enough to love this movie…seriously.  Wishing a sibling away is another.

18) CONSTANTINE

When you stir comic book fantasy, God and good storytelling into a pot, Constantine is the only movie that comes out.

17) COMING TO AMERICA

Thee most classic comedy ever. And if you don’t believe then, “yes, yes, f— you too!”

16) THE RUNDOWN

The fact that Arnold literally passes the action hero torch to Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson in this movie was awesome.

15) THE PRINCESS BRIDE

The ultimate date movie, girls go for the love, guys go for the sword fighting.  Why aren’t there more movies like that today?

14) UNDERWORLD/ UNDERWORLD EVOLUTION

I was never a fan of Shakespeare, but you put vampires up against werewolves and I’ll watch it.

13) STAR WARS EPISODE 2-6

Phantom Menace was crap full of characters no one cared about, but once Anakin grabbed a light saber I was hooked.

12) SPIDERMAN 2

Clearly the best of the bunch… and by bunch I mean two.  Three never happened as far as I’m concerned.  The brutal fight scenes on the roof of the train was exactly what I dreamed a Spiderman movie would feature.

11) JUICE

The ultimate urban tale of power and corruption, you can not live in the inner city and not like this movie.

10) THE LAST DRAGON

First the Wiz, boofed (a black spoof) the Wizard of Oz and then The Last Dragon boofed…Bruce Lee.  A real f—in’ person!  You wouldn’t think that Bruce Lee(roy) could survive in the hood, but this movie proves otherwise.  And isn’t Sho’nuff just the baddest mo’ fo’ around?

Best Moment: The glow, duh.

9) BEVERLY HILLS COP I/II/III

I loved them all.  You put a black cop from Detroit in Beverly Hills?  Love it!  And after working in Beverly Hills for two years this movie is all the more funny. The culture shock was well-defined and the hijinx remind you of a stand up act with a little bit of danger thrown in.  This is the best Odd Couple of my generation.

Best Moment: When Axel makes up a perfectly good lie to free his partners from punishment and they go and tell the truth anyway.

BIKER BOYZ

A black motorcycle gang. Love it again! The bike tricks were sick, the races were adrenaline pumping and the cast was good.  Any kid who’s ever felt his own potential had to identify with Luke’s character. The father-son dynamic also touched me.  Then it was as a son looking to be better than his father, and now as a father I’m sure I’d sacrifice for my own son too.

Best Moment: the OG way the Black Knights roll in at the beginning.

7) BLADE

Keep in mind Blade was the first Marvel hero to make it to the big screen since the 70’s.  This movie lived up to every expectation I had for a Blade movie. The fusion of martial arts and vampires was slick enough to be effective.  Blade was a trained hunter and Wesley Snipes was perfect casting.  And since it was Marvel he also felt more like a superhero than some silly slayer. The second one was even better.

Best Moment: every scene where he puts on his shades.  I know it’s cheesy, but it just so damn dope.

6) QUEEN OF THE DAMNED

By far thee best vampire movie ever made. I absolutely hate seeing vampires staked and beat up by average Joes with no skills. These vampires are powerful, sensual without being slutty and Aalyiah was great.  I miss her. The mythology was right on point with what I envisioned and the action was fierce with an edge of scary. I still don’t get why vampires are always shirtless, but it seemed to fit this movie.

Best Moment: The stage scene where Towsend’s sings to the vampires before he kills them. It’s way more testosteroney then it sounds.

5) DESPARADO

The Wild West style shootouts are unbelievably good and delightfully exaggerated. I bet no one ever looked at a guitar case the same way after seeing this movie.  Antonio as a smooth talking repentant killer entertains even better with Salma as the romantic lead.

Best Moment: When Bucho discovers that his men killed the man sent to help them.

4) INDEPENDENCE DAY

Thee most patriotic heartwarming movie I’ve ever seen.  The way the world is forced to come together to save itself was great.   The aliens were just right and the action was out of this world (no pun intended…well…a little). Considering this is the movie that launched Will Smith July 4^th mania, it obviously had a huge impact on society.

Best Moment: Clearly it’s the speech by Bill Pullman at the end.  Close second is when the crazy farmer sacrifices himself while his son watches proudly.  I still tear up at those moments.

3) KICKBOXER

It’s such a simple story, an amateur fighter is driven to be the best so he can avenge his fallen brother. Van Damme is at his best when he’s the determined underdog. You had to wonder if he would succeed or not, and it was total triumph when he did. This is a pure martial arts movie without any gimmicks to fall back on and it never even stumbles.

Best Moment: Split kick.  If it’s a Van Damme movie, it has the split kick in it.

2) BATMAN BEGINS/THE DARK KNIGHT

These movies are so good they make Keaton’s Batman look stupid.  I was never overly thrilled about them anyway.  This is what Batman should have been.  Not a super man, but a man doing super things…and with a meaning behind it. I really felt like if I, or anyone had the money and dedication we could do everything he was doing.  There was no bat-shark-repellent or fantasy crap involved.  They took Batman 100% serious and so did we, or risk getting our faces bashed in.

Best Moment: The Jokers entrance in the Dark Knight when he puts a pencil through a guys eye.

1) BAD BOYS I/II

If you grew up on Fresh Prince and Martin this was the best thing since peanut butter teamed with Jelly. Some people just make a good mix and I would put money on it that Martin and Will improvised a lot of that because it shows. This movie has it all, girls, guns and gaffes. We’ve seen buddy cops films before, but there has never been two cops this damn rugged, smooth and hilarious all at the same time.  You wanted to be them, which is unlike most dopey, silly buddy cop films. It also helps that my friends quoted this movie more than a Chappelle Show episode so it’s ingrained in my brain.  And the sequel was well worth the wait.

Best Moment: When Martin interrogates his daughter’s date with the help of Will.

Honorable Mentions from my 2008 list (That were pushed out of the top 50 this year):

WHO AM I

This underrated Jackie Chan movie made the cut purely for the climatic 2-on-1 fight scene at the end. Best. Fight. Ever.

THE GOONIES

If you call yourself an 80’s baby, you absolutely have to love this movie.

THE MATRIX

Bullet time animation may be the butt of the joke now, but it sure was sickening in this movie.

If You and Your Mate, Still just Date, NO SEX TAPES!!!

I really don’t understand what’s so hard to understand about this.  Why do people put themselves out there with every Joe and Jane Blow on the street?

The latest victim of a sex tape scandal is Former Miss California (and rightful Miss USA) Carrie Prejean as she is forced to drop her lawsuit against the pageant because they hold an embarrassing video of her.

Listen I understand the appeal of making your own personal highlight reel, that’s cool, but you cannot go filming your playbook with a player you haven’t signed yet.  Because they just may go and sell it to your opponents.  You feel me?

Rhianna didn’t learn this after Vanessa Hudgens didn’t learn this, after Kim Kardashian didn’t learn this, after Paris Hilton…you get the point.  Notice I didn’t mention guys like Colin Farrell.  A man has nothing to lose from a sex tape.  That’s why they are so quick to release them.  Men get props for – literally and figuratively – sticking it to hot babes.

I’m sure some people may be quick to bring up the Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart scandal (“they are married”), but if you look closer, they are fine.  They are not the problem.  Who leaked the tape?  It was the freelancing chick invited onto their practice field.

If you are going to cut film of your wildcat formations, please do so with your contract players only.  Or if that’s too much for you because you can’t afford to sign anyone to an extension DO NOT LET THEM LEAVE THE STADIUM WITH THE REEL!

And for those who may not be following my brilliant analogy: If you wouldn’t let someone out of your sight with your social security card, credit card or wallet, why the hell would you let them go anywhere with your naked body?  Your body is your temple, remember!  Treat it like one!

Tom Cable is Innocent N.O.W.

Because he has not been found guilty yet.

But you can’t tell the National Organization for Women (NOW) that.  I understand that he admitted to open hand smacking (yeah right) his ex-wife, but he has a point when he says that it was 20 years ago.  You cannot bury a man because of things he did 20 years ago.  If you could, we’d all be screwed.

Would you fire the assistant manager at a convenient store because he thought it was fun to shoplift as a teenager?  Would you impeach a President because he smoked a little weed decades ago?  People change.

I’m not saying coach Cable has changed, but I’m saying that based on the facts we know, he’s not guilty of anything just yet.

“The Oakland Raiders, properly, say they are undergoing a ’serious evaluation’ of these recent allegations,” O’Neill wrote in the e-mail. “At the very least he should be suspended during this process. … A man who has admitted battering his wife has no business being a role model for all of us who would like to be able to look up to the head coach of an NFL football team.”

Really?

You want him suspended for a mistake he made as a young man?  Who is he Chris Brown?  Let’s just say for arguments sake that it turns out this “intimate” partner is lying.  Sure you can give him back his pay, but you can’t give a man back his time.  I must have slept through the report that America changed our policy to, “now your guilty until we sort things out.”

And I’m no Raiders fan.  I’m still pissed they beat my beloved Eagles this year.  But you ladies from NOW need to start living in the now, and not the future.  Or the past.  And I think you know that, considering that you mention you’ve been victims of domestic violence in the past, which just may have something to do with your blanket assumption that any person claiming to be a victim must be telling the truth because they have more to lose than to gain.  I buy that, but please understand that people can be really devious when they want to.  Some people have no problem going to hell in a hand basket as long as it’s hooked to the ankle of person they despise.

Again, I’m not excusing coach Cable.  He’s a jerk.  We know that.  I’d like to see him take a swing at his 260 pound QB JaMarcus Russell like he does women and his smaller assistants.  F—in’ punk.

But justice is going to prevail, you are going to get yours when all the shoes drop.  Just be patient.  Don’t jump the gun.  It sets a bad precedent and it actually hurts more future victims then it helps.  Big picture, you want this to go by the book.

If Your Porsche Gets Tagged, It’s Time To Reevaluate Your Situation

Yes, that picture is photoshopped.  It’s the best I could do since California cell phone laws won’t allow me to operate my camera phone while driving 40 mph in a residential neighborhood when the car I’m targeting is veering into the left turn lane.

But that’s pretty much what I saw.

My thing is this, if you live in a tagging neighborhood and cannot afford a house with a garage…should you really own a Porsche?

Shouldn’t your priorities be on other things?  I mean there is nothing wrong with a nice Ford, Toyota or Honda to get around in while you carve out some savings.

But that is not to excuse the taggers.  What kind of children are we raising when they think it’s cool or funny to f— up someone else’s stuff just because?  It’s clear this wasn’t gang motivated, because, I kid you not, the tag looked just like the picture above.  I’ve come across taggers attempting to spell legible words but miss their marks, but this was no earthly language.  It was not “artwork” either.

It was scribble.  Pure vandalism.

Can you say, “hater”?

At least in my day (here I go) kids used to tag with a purpose.  They were either trying to build a reputation or they were trying to show off their art skills.  It was like low rent advertising.  And it was reserved for walls or white trucks.  Like a canvas.  It was expression…sort of.  And it didn’t really hurt the “little guy” because it’s easy to repaint a wall or white truck.

Now they just want to draw squiggly lines on people’s SUV’s?  Come on.  Do you know how much it cost to repaint a car, let alone a Porsche?

I think everybody in this situation just needs to be slapped.  Seriously.  But that’s whole other topic.

Nicole Kidman is a Good Family Woman

Sometimes celebrities talk too much, but not Nicole.  I read today that she actually understands what privacy is, and not just when it protects her own secrets.  In an interview with the London Daily Mail, she opts not to talk about the reason behind her divorce to Tom Cruise.  What a classy move.

“I burnt most of my journals after I remarried … You’re only going to find out bad things.  I want to honor that marriage for what it was, and there is nothing I would go into about that,” explains Kidman, 42, who has two children with her ex-hubby: Bella, 15, and Connor, 13. “I have never discussed the intricacies of it and I never will … I will go to my grave with all my secrets, all my stories.”

I always say, if you are quick to slam women when they act trifflin’, you have to give them their due when they demonstrate character.  But that being said, you kind of have to wonder what the reasons are.  Or you can leave it up to someone like me to speculate.  Fortunately, I don’t always have the character of Nicole.

A lot of people think that Tom is gay and she’s trying to cover up that that’s why they divorced.  I don’t buy that.  It seems too easy.  And why does everyone want Tom to be gay?  Whenever a man calls a good-looking man gay, you have to look at the source.  It’s about jealousy.  I guarantee you that you will not hear an attractive, successful, even tempered male call anyone gay without an admission of (for lack of a better word) guilt first.  Why?  Because they are too busy to care and do not need the “competition” degraded.

And any woman that calls Tom Cruise gay has dreamt about sleeping with him and realized it’s not going to happen.

So did one of them cheat on the other?  Not likely.  No one can be that civil after being cheated one.  Except Vanessa Bryant.  But for $4 million I’d have forgave him too.  Okay maybe I wouldn’t.  But that’s my point.

Could it have been his Scientology beliefs?  I really wish people would get over that.  If your God walked on water, or has 72 virgins waiting for you, or has a bunch of relatives with different superpowers you really aren’t in a position to talk about the “unbelievable.”  It’s about faith and it’s all the same thing anyway.  And if you don’t even believe in God, well then no one really cares what you think on this subject.

No I don’t think it’s any of that conventional stuff.  If she’s hiding anything, this is what it is:

Tom is a murderer.

It would explain everything.  Why else would you go from a flashy, stylish, short little model-esqe man to a cowboy?  It was for protection!  I know you saw the Matt Lauer interview, Tom sure looked like he was fantasizing about all the nasty things he’d do to Matt if they were alone in an alley (violent things man, don’t be crude).  And then there was the whole Oprah’s couch thing which showed he can lose it at any moment.  Tom is definitely a murderer.

Well, it’s the best story I can come up with.